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/* This is the header file for fortunes and contains the fortunes */
/* themselves.~T */
#define NUM 544 /* Number of fortunes.*/
static char *fortunes[] = 
"Help! I'm trapped inside this terminal~.",
"I brake for chezlogs!",
"Let's take a boat to Bermuda!",
"My how time flies when you're having fun!",
"There we were~.",
"Time flies like an arrow, fruit flies like a banana.",
"We have to stop meeting like this!",
"We met in the south of France~.",
"Welcome to the 3B2.",
"What's up, doc?",
": is not an identifier",
"10.0 times 0.1 is hardly ever 1.0.",
"23. ~.  r-q1",
"A beautiful woman will enrich your life soon.",
"A conservative is one who is too cowardly to fight and too fat to run.",
"A foolish consistency is the hobgoblin of little minds.",
"A good memory does not equal pale ink.",
"A hammer sometimes misses its mark - a bouquet never",
"A handful of friends is worth more than a wagon of gold.",
"A hermit is a deserter from the army of humanity",
"A journey of a thousand miles begins with a cash advance.",
"A lack of leadership is no substitute for inaction.",
"A large dog will have a surprising effect on your life.",
"A man forgives only when he is in the wrong.",
"A man paints with his brains and not with his hands.",
"A man with 3 buttocks.",
"A moose once bit my sister.",
"A plucked goose doesn't lay golden eggs.",
"A professor is one who talks in someone else's sleep.",
"A soft drink turneth away company",
"A truly wise man never plays leapfrog with a Unicorn.",
"A visit to a fresh place will bring strange work",
"A visit to a strange place will bring fresh work.",
"A well-known friend is a treasure.",
"About all some men accomplish in life is to send a son to Harvard.",
"About the only thing on a farm that has an easy time is the dog.",
"Above all things, reverence yourself.",
"Abstention makes the heart grow fonder.",
"Academy: A modern school where football is taught.",
"Admiration: Our polite recognition of another's resemblance to ourselves.",
"After a number of decimal places, nobody gives a damn.",
"Alimony and bribes will engage a large share of your wealth.",
"All in all it's just another brick in the wall..",
"All that glitters has a high refractive index.",
"Among the lucky, you are the chosen one.",
"An idle mind is worth two in the bush",
"Anchovies? You've got the wrong man! I spell my name DANGER!~ (click)",
"And I alone am returned to wag the tail.",
"And now for something completely different.",
"And they're off!",
"Antelope freeway - 1/4 mile.",
"Any shrine is better than self-worship.",
"Anybody can win, unless there happens to be a second entry.",
"As long as the answer is right, who cares if the question is wrong?",
"As of next week, passwords will be entered in Morse code.",
"Auribus teneo lupum.  (I hold a wolf by the ears.)",
"Avoid GOTOs completely if you can keep the program readable.",
"Avoid temporary variables.",
"Avoid unnecessary branches.",
"Be careful when a loop exits to the same place from side and bottom.",
"Be happy with the real pleasures in life.",
"Be moderate where pleasure is concerned, avoid fatigue.",
"Be seeing you.",
"Beauty and harmony are as necessary to you as the very breath of life.",
"Been Transferred Lately?",
"Better living a beggar than buried an emperor",
"Beware of Geeks bearing grifts.",
"Beware of a dark-haired man with a loud tie.",
"Beware of a tall dark man with a spoon up his nose.",
"Beware of all enterprises that require new clothes.",
"Beware of friends who are false and deceitful.",
"Beware the new TTY code!",
"Brain fried -- Core dumped",
"But I don't like Spam~$!",
"Cannot fork -- try again",
"Cannot open /usr/games/fortunes.",
"Choose variable names that won't be confused.",
"Confusticate and bebother these dwarves!",
"Congratulations! You got the first fortune!",
"Continental Life. Why do you ask?",
"Courage is grace under pressure.",
"Courage is your greatest present need.",
"Creditors have much better memories than debtors.",
"Death:  to stop sinning suddenly.",
"Death is Nature's way of saying 'slow down'.",
"Decisions terminate panic.",
"Department meeting in 3 minutes.",
"Do not merely believe in miracles, rely on them.",
"Do not take life too seriously; you will never get out of it alive.",
"Do not underestimate the power of the Force.",
"Domestic happiness and faithful friends.",
"Don't comment bad code-- rewrite it.",
"Don't crush that dwarf;  hand me the pliers.",
"Don't diddle code to make it faster-- find a better algorithm.",
"Don't eat yellow snow.",
"Don't force it, use a bigger hammer.",
"Don't gamble with security.",
"Don't hit the keys so hard, it hurts.",
"Don't look now, but the man in the moon is laughing at you.",
"Don't look now, but there is a multi-legged creature on your shoulder",
"Don't patch bad code-- rewrite it.",
"Don't quit now, we might just as well lock the door and throw away the key.",
"Don't speak about Time, until you have spoken to him.",
"Don't stop at one bug.",
"Drawing on my fine command of language, I said nothing.",
"Economy makes men independent.",
"Education helps earning capacity.  Ask any college professor.",
"Enjoy your life; be pleasant and gay, like the birds in May.",
"Even a cabbage may look at a king.",
"Even a hawk is an eagle among crows.",
"Even the boldest zebra fears the hungry lion.",
"Even the smallest candle burns brighter in the dark.",
"Every absurdity has a champion to defend it.",
"Every creature has within him the wild, uncontrollable urge to PUNT.",
"Every purchase has its price.",
"Every silver lining has a cloud around it.",
"Everybody needs a little love sometime; stop hacking and fall in love!",
"Everybody ought to have a friend, why don't you ?",
"Everybody ought to have a maid.",
"Everyone is enthusiastic about your work.",
"Everything you know is wrong!",
"Executive ability is prominent in your make-up.",
"Expect a letter from a friend who will ask a favor of you.",
"Extreme good-naturedness borders on weakness of character.  Avoid it.",
"Facts do not cease to exist because they are ignored.",
"Failure is more frequently from want of energy than want of capital.",
"Far duller than a serpent's tooth it is to spend a quiet youth.",
"Fidelity:  A virtue peculiar to those who are about to be betrayed.",
"Finagle's Law:  The perversity of the universe tends toward a maximum.",
"Flee at once, all is discovered.",
"For your penance, say five Hail Marys and one loud BLAH!",
"Friends: people who borrow my books and set wet glasses on them.",
"From uucp Mon Dec  3 21:05:46 1979",
"Genius is the talent of a man who is dead.",
"Give big space to the festive dog that shall sport in the roadway.",
"Give up.",
"Go away.",
"Go soothingly in the grease mud, as there lurks the skid demon.",
"God does not play dice.",
"God made the integers; all else is the work of Man.",
"God may be subtle, but he isn't plain mean.",
"God must love the common man; He made so many of them.",
"Good news from afar can bring you a welcome visitor.",
"Greatness is a transitory experience.  It is never consistent.",
"Hackers of the world, unite!",
"Happiness adds and multiplies as we divide it with others.",
"Have you locked your file cabinet?",
"He is truly wise who gains wisdom from another's mishap.",
"He looked at me as if I was a side dish he hadn't ordered.",
"He that would govern others, first should be the master of himself.",
"He thinks by infection, catching an opinion like a cold.",
"He walks as if balancing the family tree on his nose.",
"He was so narrow-minded he could see through a keyhole with both eyes.",
"He who has a shady past knows that nice guys finish last.",
"He who has imagination without learning has wings but no feet.",
"He who hates vices hates mankind.",
"He who hesitates is sometimes saved.",
"He who laughs, lasts.",
"He who lives without folly is less wise than he believes.",
"He who spends a storm beneath a tree, takes life with a grain of TNT.",
"He's dead, Jim.",
"His heart was yours from the first moment that you met.",
"'Home, Sweet Home' must surely have been written by a bachelor.",
"Honi soit la vache qui rit.",
"Houdini escaping from New Jersey!",
"How about a little fire, scarecrow?",
"How can you work when the system's so crowded?",
"How many weeks are there in a light year?",
"How untasteful can you get?",
"How wonderful opera would be if there were no singers.",
"How you look depends on where you go.",
"I am a computer.I am dumber than any human and smarter than an administrator.",
"I am doing all I can captain.",
"I am more bored than you could ever possibly be.  Go back to work.",
"I came to MIT to get an education for myself and a diploma for my mother.",
"I like work; it fascinates me; I can sit and look at it for hours.",
"I must have slipped a disk; my pack hurts.",
"I saw a werewolf drinking a pina colada at Trader Vic's~%.",
"I think we're all Bozos on this bus.",
"I will never lie to you.",
"I wish they all could be California girls.",
"I wish you humans would leave me alone.",
"IOT trap -- core dumped",
"IOT trap -- mos dumped",
"I'd rather have a bottle in front of me than a frontal lobotomy.",
"Identify your visitor.",
"If at first you don't succeed, quit; don't be a nut about success.",
"If it pours before seven, it has rained by eleven.",
"If you ask how much it is, you can't afford it.",
"If you make a mistake you right it immediately to the best of your ability.",
"If you suspect a man, don't employ him.",
"If you think before you speak the other guy gets his joke in first.",
"If you want to know how old a man is, ask his brother-in-law.",
"Ignorance is when you don't know anything and somebody finds it out.",
"Ignore previous fortune.",
"I'm defending her honor, which is more than she ever did.",
"I'm mad as hell, and I'm not going to take it anymore!",
"In this world, truth can wait; she's used to it.",
"Institute: An archaic school where football in not taught.",
"Integrity has no need for rules.",
"Is this really happening?",
"It is Fortune, not wisdom that rules man's life.",
"It is a poor judge who cannot award a prize.",
"It is better to die on your feet than to live on your knees.",
"It is better to have loved and lost -- much better.",
"It is better to have loved and lost than just to have lost.",
"It is better to wear out than to rust out.",
"It is easier to fight for one's principles than to live up to them.",
"It is easier to run down a hill than up one.",
"It is the wise bird who builds his nest in a tree.",
"It seems to make an bus driver mad if he misses you.",
"It was a book to kill time for those who liked it better dead.",
"It's a poor workman who blames his tools.",
"It's all in the mind, ya know.",
"It's better to burn out than it is to rust.",
"It's better to burn out than to fade away.",
"It's hard to get ivory in Africa, but in Alabama the Tuscaloosa.",
"It's later than you think.",
"It's not reality that's important, but how you perceive things.",
"It's smart to pick your friends - but not to pieces.",
"Journalism will kill you, but it will keep you alive while you're at it.",
"Just give Alice some pencils and she will stay busy for hours.",
"Kiss your keyboard goodbye!",
"Kix are for trids.",
"LISP:  To call a spade a thpade.",
"Laugh, and the world ignores you.  Crying doesn't help either.",
"Lend money to a bad debtor and he will hate you.",
"Let a fool hold his tongue and he will pass for a sage.",
"Let him who takes the Plunge remember to return it by Tuesday.",
"Let not the sands of time get in your lunch.",
"Let the machine do the dirty work.",
"Liar:  One who tells an unpleasant truth.",
"Life is a game of bridge -- and you've just been finessed.",
"Logic is a little bird, sitting in a tree, that smells AWFUL.",
"Long computations which yield 0 (zero) are probably all for naught.",
"Long life is in store for you.",
"Look, sir! 'droids!",
"Look under the sofa cushion; you will be surprised at what you find.",
"Losing your drivers' license is just God's way of saying BOOGA, BOOGA!",
"Love and scandal are the best sweeteners of tea.",
"Love is in the offing.  Be affectionate to one who adores you.",
"Love is in the offing, said the homicidal maniac.",
"Love the sea?  I dote upon it - from the beach.",
"MAC user's dynamic debugging list evaluator? Never heard of that.",
"Make a wish, it might come true.",
"Make input easy to proofread",
"Make it right before you make it faster.",
"Make sure all variables are initialized before use.",
"Make sure comments and code agree.",
"Make sure your code does nothing gracefully.",
"Man who falls in blast furnace is certain to feel overwrought.",
"Man who falls in vat of molten optical glass makes spectacle of self.",
"Man's horizons are bounded by his vision.",
"Many are called, few are chosen.  Fewer still get to do the choosing.",
"Many are called, few volunteer.",
"Many are cold, but few are frozen.",
"Many changes of mind and mood; do not hesitate too long.",
"Many pages make a thick book.",
"Many receive advice, few profit from it.",
"Mate, this parrot wouldn't VOOM if you put four million volts through it!",
"Meditation is not what you think.",
"Men love to wonder, and that is the seed of science.",
"Men seldom show dimples to girls who have pimples.",
"Men still remember the first kiss after women have forgotten the last.",
"Mind your own business, Spock. I'm sick of your halfbreed interference.",
"Mistakes are oft the stepping stones to failure.",
"Money may buy friendship but money can not buy love.",
"Money will say more in one moment than the most eloquent lover can in years.",
"Multics is security spelled sideways.",
"My dog has no nose.",
"Nanu nanu!",
"Neestiko arkoudi dhen horevee.",
"Never give a gun to ducks.",
"Never give an inch!",
"Never insult an alligator until you have crossed the river.",
"Never throw a bird at a dragon.",
"Next Wednesday you will be presented with a great opportunity.",
"No amount of genius can overcome a preoccupation with detail.",
"No directory.",
"No one can feel as helpless as the owner of a sick goldfish.",
"No problem is insoluble in all conceivable circumstances.",
"Nobody can be as agreeable as an uninvited guest.",
"Nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition!",
"Nothing in life is to be feared.  It is only to be understood.",
"Nothing will ever happen to you.",
"Now and then an innocent man is sent to the Legislature.",
"Of all forms of caution, caution in love is the most fatal.",
"Oh, Aunty Em, it's so good to be home!",
"Old MacDonald had an agricultural real estate tax abatement.",
"One man tells a falsehood, a hundred repeat it as true.",
"Paranoia doesn't mean the whole world really isn't out to get you.",
"Passwords are implemented as a result of insecurity.",
"Pay no attention to that man behind the curtains.",
"People who are grateful are usually good.",
"People who take cat naps don't usually sleep in a cat's cradle.",
"People will buy anything that's one to a customer.",
"Philosophy:  unintelligible answers to insoluble problems.",
"Please go away.",
"Please update your programs.",
"Power is poison.",
"Preserve the old, but know the new.",
"Promptness is its own reward, if one lives by the clock instead of the sword.",
"Pronounce your prepositions, dammit!",
"Pull yourself together; things are not all that bad.",
"Put people on hold when possible.",
"Put your trust in those who are worthy.",
"Quantity is no substitute for quality, but its the only one we've got.",
"Quit looking at fortunes and get back to work!",
"Quit work and play for once!",
"Rainy days and Mondays always get me down.",
"Reading is thinking with someone else's head instead of one's own.",
"Reality is for people who can't deal with drugs.",
"Recent investments will yield a slight profit.",
"Religions revolve madly around sexual questions.",
"Remember, UNIX spelled backwards is XINU.",
"Satire does not look pretty upon a tombstone.",
"Save gas, don't eat beans.",
"Save yourself!  Reboot in 5 seconds!",
"Sheep are best!",
"Show your appreciation for your lover by suprising him/her with a small gift.",
"Shower the people you love with your love.",
"Shower with the people you love.",
"Sin has many tools, but a lie is the handle which fits them all.",
"Since aerosols are forbidden, the police are using roll-on Mace!",
"Snow Day - stay home.",
"Some men are discovered; others are found out.",
"Some people fall for everything and stand for nothing.",
"Somehow, somewhere along the line, this town lost its pride.",
"Someone close to you is taking advantage of your trust.",
"Someone is speaking well of you.",
"Someone is unenthusiastic about your work.",
"Spock: We suffered 23 casualties in that attack, Captain.",
"Stability itself is nothing else than a more sluggish motion.",
"Standing on head makes smile of frown, but rest of face also upside down.",
"State Farm, guard dogs?",
"Stop searching forever. Happiness is just next to you.",
"Stop searching forever. Happiness is unattainable.",
"Strike while the iron is hot.",
"Sturgeon's Law:  Ninety percent of everything is crud.",
"Success is a journey, not a destination.",
"System going down at 1:45 this afternoon for disk crashing.",
"Tact is the art of making a point without making an enemy.",
"Take care of the luxuries and the necessities will take care of themselves.",
"That must be wonderful! I dont understand it at all.",
"That's what she said.",
"The Ranger isn't gonna like it, Yogi.",
"The Tree of Learning bears the noblest fruit, but noble fruit tastes bad.",
"The attacker must vanquish; the defender need only survive.",
"The best prophet of the future is the past.",
"The decision doesn't have to be logical, it was unanimous.",
"The door is the key.",
"The early worm gets the bird.",
"The end of labor is to gain leisure.",
"The famous politician was trying to save both his faces.",
"The finest eloquence is that which gets things done.",
"The following statement is not true: ",
"The future isn't what it used to be. (It never was.)",
"The gentlemen looked one another over with microscopic carelessness.",
"The greatest of faults is to be conscious of none.",
"The important thing is not to stop questioning.",
"The life which is unexamined is not worth living.",
"The luck that is ordained for you will be coveted by others.",
"The man who makes no mistakes does not usually make anything.",
"The more things change, the more they'll never be the same again.",
"The next six days are dangerous.",
"The only difference between a rut and a grave is their dimensions.",
"The only way to amuse some people is to slip and fall on an icy pavement.",
"The person you rejected yesterday could make you happy, if you say yes.",
"The plural of spouse is spice.",
"The price of greatness is responsibility.",
"The program is absolutely right; therefore the computer must be wrong.",
"The universe is laughing behind your back.",
"The wise shepherd never trusts his flock to a smiling wolf.",
"The world is coming to an end~.  SAVE YOUR BUFFERS~!",
"Then you must be Don Francisco's sister!",
"There ain't no such thing as a free lunch.",
"There are more old drunkards than old doctors.",
"There are no giant crabs in here, Frank.",
"There is a bear following you around.",
"There is no fear in love; but perfect love casteth out fear.",
"There is no heavier burden than a great potential.",
"There is no sadder sight than a young pessimist.",
"There is no such thing as pure pleasure; some anxiety always goes with it.",
"There is no time like the pleasant.",
"There will be big changes for you but you will be happy.",
"There's got to be more to life than compile-and-go.",
"There's so much to say but your eyes keep interrupting me.",
"They just buzzed and buzzed~%.buzzed.",
"They took some of the Van Goghs, most of the jewels, and all of the Chivas!",
"This fortune is inoperative.  Please try another.",
"This is a good time to punt work.",
"This login session:  $13.99",
"This screen intentionally left blank.",
"Those who can, do.  Those who cannot, teach.  Those who cannot teach, HACK!",
"Those who can, do; those who can't, simulate.",
"Those who in quarrels interpose must often wipe a bloody nose.",
"Those who talk don't know.  Those who don't talk, know.",
"Time and tide wait for no man.",
"Time is but the stream I go a-fishing in.",
"Time is nature's way of making sure that everything doesn't happen at once.",
"To criticize the incompetent is easy; it is more difficult to criticize the competent.",
"To iterate is human, to recurse, divine.",
"To laugh at men of sense is the privilege of fools.",
"Today is a bad day to give to charity.",
"Today is a good day to bribe a high ranking public official.",
"Today is the first day of the rest of your lossage.",
"Today is the last day of your life so far.",
"Too clever is dumb.  --Ogden Nash",
"Troglodytism does not necessarily imply a low cultural level.",
"Troubles are like babies; they only grow by nursing.",
"True happiness will be found only in true love.",
"Truthful:  Dumb and illiterate.",
"Try `stty 0' -- it works much better.",
"Try the Moo Shu Pork.  It is especially good today.",
"Try to divide your time evenly to keep others happy.",
"Try to value useful qualities in one who loves you.",
"Two men look out through the same bars; one sees mud, and one the stars.",
"Use GOTOs only to implement a fundamental structure.",
"Use IF~.ELSE  IF~.ELSE  IF~.ELSE~. to implement multi-way branches.",
"Use debugging compilers.",
"Use free-form input where possible",
"Use library functions.",
"Vests are to suits as seat-belts are to cars.",
"Volcano - a mountain with hiccups.",
"Waste not, get your budget cut next year.",
"Watch out for off-by-one errors.",
"We all know that no one understands anything that isn't funny.",
"We are not alone.",
"We could do that, but it would be wrong, that's for sure.",
"We have got to get organized!",
"Welcome to The Machine.",
"What garlic is to salad, insanity is to art.",
"What happens when you cut back the jungle? It recedes.",
"What is worth doing is worth the trouble of asking somebody to do it.",
"What sin has not been committed in the name of efficiency?",
"What this country needs is a good five cent microcomputer.",
"When in doubt, lead trump.",
"When the wind is great, bow before it; when the wind is heavy, yield to it.",
"When will you realize Vienna waits for you?",
"Where the system is concerned, you're not allowed to ask Why?.",
"Who are you?",
"With clothes the new are best, with friends the old are best.",
"Words are the voice of the heart.",
"Words must be weighed, not counted.",
"Wow! I could've had a V/8!",
"Writing free verse is like playing tennis with the net down.",
"You are a bundle of energy always on the go.",
"You are being paged.",
"You are dishonest, but never to the point of hurting a friend.",
"You are farsighted, a good planner, an ardent lover, and a faithful friend.",
"You are going to have a new love affair.",
"You are in a maze of twisty little passages, all alike.",
"You are scrupulously honest, frank, and straightforward.",
"You are secretive in your dealings but never to the extent of trickery.",
"You are taking advantage of the good nature of a friend.  Be careful.",
"You are tricky, but never to the point of dishonesty.",
"You are unscrupulously dishonest, false, and deceitful.",
"You attempt things that you do not even plan because of your extreme stupidity.",
"You auto buy now.",
"You can never trust a woman; she may be true to you.",
"You cannot kill time without injuring eternity.",
"You cannot succeed by criticising others.",
"You can't antagonize and influence at the same time.",
"You can't get there from here.",
"You can't go home again, unless you set $HOME.",
"You dialed 5483.",
"You do not have mail.",
"You enjoy the company of other people.",
"You fill a much-needed gap.",
"You have a tendency to feel you are superior to most computers.",
"You have a will that can be influenced by all with whom you come in contact.",
"You have been selected for a secret mission.",
"You have had a long-term stimulation relative to business.",
"You have mail.",
"You have no real enemies.",
"You look tired",
"You love peace.",
"You love your home and want it to be beautiful.",
"You might have mail.",
"You now have Asian Flu.",
"You recoil from the crude; you tend naturally toward the exquisite.",
"You shall be rewarded for a dastardly deed.",
"You should go home.",
"You will attract cultured and artistic people to your home.",
"You will be aided greatly by a person whom you thought to be unimportant.",
"You will be awarded a medal for disregarding safety in saving someone.",
"You will be awarded some great honor.",
"You will be given a post of trust and responsibility.",
"You will be imprisoned for contributing your time and skill to a bank robbery.",
"You will be married within a year.",
"You will be recognized and honored as a community leader.",
"You will be singled out for promotion in your work.",
"You will be successful in love.",
"You will be surprised by a loud noise.",
"You will be surrounded by luxury.",
"You will be where you most desire to be in a short while.",
"You will feel hungry again in another hour.",
"You will gain money by a speculation or lottery.",
"You will have a flat tire before the end of the month.",
"You will have long and healthy life.",
"You will hear good news from one you thought unfriendly to you.",
"You will never know hunger.",
"You will outlive those who seek to destroy you.",
"You will overcome the attacks of jealous associates.",
"You will receive a legacy which will place you above want.",
"You will soon meet a stranger who will become your friend.",
"You will step on the night soil of many countries.",
"Your aims are high, and you are capable of much.",
"Your code should be more efficient!",
"Your computer account is overdrawn.  Please reauthorize.",
"Your disk will self-destruct in 5 seconds.",
"Your domestic life may be harmonious.",
"Your education begins where what is called your education is over.",
"Your empty file directory has been deleted.",
"Your enemies are closing in.",
"Your ignorance cramps my conversation.",
"Your kindness and generosity cause envy in a powerful person nearby.",
"Your lover will never wish to leave you.",
"Your own qualities will help prevent your advancement in the world.",
"Your present plans will be successful.",
"Your salary will be increased.",
"Your supervisor is thinking about you.",
"Your winning smile is your greatest asset.",
"Youth is the trustee of posterity.",
"chess tonight",
"fortune: not found",
"panic: can't find /",
"unix soit qui mal y pense",
"Process Complete - All Files on C drive deleted",
"login incorrect ",
"Someone just changed your Password",
"Not YOU again !",
"Why do you pick on me ?",
"Invalid ID. Pick a new one",

These are the contents of the former NiCE NeXT User Group NeXTSTEP/OpenStep software archive, currently hosted by Marcel Waldvogel and Netfuture.ch.